It does not know who will win the World Series or whether your wife is having sex with your neighbor. The machine does not tell your future, or even specific facts about your present. Using the epiphany machine takes about fifteen minutes and costs a hundred bucks. We could sit around and psychoanalyze you based on what you think it looks like, but that would take decades and cost you tens of thousands of dollars. Others think it looks like the fossilized jawbone of some extinct, single-toothed great cat. When most people look at our device, it reminds them of an antique sewing machine.When you look at our device, think of it as a peeler. Your entire unsatisfying life is just the rind. That gnawing is the universe trying to get at the tasty juice inside of you. If there is something gnawing at you, that means you’re delicious.If there is nothing gnawing at you, put this pamphlet down and never think of us again. The unexamined life is often entirely worth living.What is surprising is never what is revealed but the grace with which it has been hidden.
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